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I Love U Doggie, Fiction

by Benjamin Andrew Moore

I had to save you.  You were just so small and helpless, like me. 

I’d always wanted a doggie, more than any other baby animal in the whole world or even the universe.  More than a peacock or a kitten or a lion or a space cow, or even an elephant.  A doggie who kissed me on the face with really wet kisses whenever he saw me, and wagged his tail and loved me like all the other kids’ doggies love them. You know how love feels? Grandpa says it’s warm and tingly and real cozy, like being next to a fireplace during winter with a wool blanket wrapped around you.  I wanna feel that warm feeling.  It’s been so long since I felt that feeling for real.  I think I felt it when Mommy used to hug me, when Mommy used to kiss me, when Mommy was here to tuck me in at night.  If I imagine that feeling now, the way it used to be, I feel warm and cozy and tingly. Does that mean I love that feeling? 

You were so small and helpless when I found you, and crying, too.  How could I leave you where you were, in the gutter with no one to take care of you and put you to bed at night?  You were just like me.  Your mommy was gone, you prolly never even had a Daddy, and you were just so sad and lonely with no one to love you and hold you while you wagged your tail.  Except you didn’t even have a grandpa to take care of you like I did, so you were worse off than me, which is saying a lot.

You needed me.  You needed to be loved like Mommy loved me, like your mommy used to love you, and that’s why I took you with me and showed you to the teacher. Only I could love you the way you needed to be loved, because only I knew what it was like to lose a Mommy. Everybody in class smiled a lot and was real happy that I found a puppy and gave you to them and made you their puppy. You weren't their puppy, but it felt so good to make them happy that I didn’t wanna tell them they were wrong. 

And you loved the class, too.  You loved everyone. After a while, you didn’t hardly remember me you loved 'em so much.  I was sad, and lonely, and I didn’t want you to love them more than me.  You were my puppy.  I saved you and loved you and hugged you, and I was the person whose face you first licked.  Why couldn’t you love them a little, and me a whole lot?  I don’t care if you love them some, but—why couldn’t we be best friends more than everybody, and eventually family, too?  I just wanted to feel that good feeling, and you were making me feel a bad feeling instead. One that was cold and empty, like ice cubes that melt in the middle after being in the sun for too long.  So I got mad at you, and I hurt you, and I made you cry and stop barking or licking.  I didn’t mean to do that, I swear I didn’t, but it felt so cold inside. My stomach started hurting, so I put you away and came home and cried and couldn’t sleep at all. Whenever I closed my eyes to sleep, I kept hearing you whine inside my head because of what I did. Why couldn’t you just love me like Mommy loved me, like I loved you, like we promised we would? 

But it’s okay,  because I’m gonna go back today and tell you how sorry I am, and kiss you and make you feel better, and then you’ll kiss me too and we’ll go back to being how we were, only better.  We’ll be the best.  The best friends in the whole wide world, and we’ll love each other more than anybody, and anything.  I love you, doggie.  I love you and wish I could take you home with me, so we could sleep together and be a real family.  I love you so much it hurts.

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Copyright BAM 2011